I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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