I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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