HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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