Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you had me at cake vodka
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
