Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You are a genius and a whore.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
