dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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