I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
