I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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