I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
