I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
