screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
