good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
