the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
