after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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