I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
