Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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