Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
