i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
