bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
