i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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