I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize