Apparently you make a good broom.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize