In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
