it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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