these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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