My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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