Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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