normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
