six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
