Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
