I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
