So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
