i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
