i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
