seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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