Where did you get a picture of my penis
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
