You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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