I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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