I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
