Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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