I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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