I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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