I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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