We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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