yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
