At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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