Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's the barista slut.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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