You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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