he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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