i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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