the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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