I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
