I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
