just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
