Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize