Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
