vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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