No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
