how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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