is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
