FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
