don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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