He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
