I think my fart just growled at me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize