yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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