suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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