Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My ATM looks so different sober.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize