how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
