Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How naked do you want me to be?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
