someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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