problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
