I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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