i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
