I heard we made out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
