Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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