tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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