Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
