I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
