please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
