he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
