Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize