i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
