I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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